Jennifer, Gwyneth & Me by Rachel Bertsche

Author:Rachel Bertsche [Bertsche, Rachel]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-345-54323-3
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2014-06-30T16:00:00+00:00

A week or so after Matt’s appointment with the urologist, I get my doctor on the phone. After relaying the urologist’s suggestions, I explain to him my confusion. “If we’re going to end up doing IVF anyway, I don’t understand what the extra couple of months will do.”

“To be honest, I don’t either,” he says. “Given your test results, I don’t think any lifestyle changes are going to fix the problem.” It’s too bad, since lifestyle changes have been my specialty over the last few months. If only modeling myself after the superfertile Jessica Simpson or Tori Spelling could improve this aspect of my life. I’d trade a Gwyneth-style kitchen or an SJP wardrobe for a celebrity-style pregnancy any day. “A lot of people like to try everything before they do IVF, but if your urologist says it won’t work it’s probably not worth trying.”

“That’s how I feel,” I say. “I just want to make something happen.”

“If your end goal is to get pregnant, then you should go ahead and pursue the IVF,” he says.

If my end goal is to get pregnant?

The conversation ends with my doctor’s promise to send me recommendations of reproductive endocrinologists and IVF clinics by the end of the day.

So it seems decided. Matt and I will likely go the in vitro fertilization route. I’m feeling simultaneously nervous and invigorated.

Of course, making an appointment with a fertility specialist doesn’t mean we have to move ahead with this plan of action. We’re exploring our options. But if this month of Tina Fey has been about working hard, it might also be about knowing when your work is done. As Tina once wrote in The New Yorker: “You have to try your hardest to be at the top of your game and improve every joke until the last possible second, but then you have to let it go. You can’t be that kid at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute. You have to let people see what you wrote. It will never be perfect, but perfect is overrated.”

The waterslide analogy applies to my pregnancy pursuit, too. Matt and I have tried, and we could keep trying, doing what we can to improve our chances, hoping to finally hit the jackpot. But when the professionals are saying your work is probably done, you might as well listen and let go.

What I want is a baby. How I get there, at this point, is less important. I’m willing to let go, to give myself over to the medical prowess of a reproductive endocrinologist.

And if all goes as planned, one of these days I might even be able to relate to a different Tina Fey analogy: “[Childbirth] is a torturous experience with an eventual release and possible pride. In that way, sure, writing is just like having a kid.”

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